- The Nipple Origin Story -
It was the dawn of man.. God had finished his masterpiece and now was to rest after his great work was complete. The sun shone brightly upon the marvelous lands below. Everything that walked these mortal grounds was pure and beautiful. As God rested, Gog stepped in and added his artistic touch to everything.
Gog made the clouds look like happy things like smilies and cotton balls.. He painted the lands with great colors, displaying his artistic excellence. When done with these touches, he just was not satisfied. He needed to do something else to stake his claim in this creation. He could not think of anything brilliant then.
The not-so-known Gog, a mere shadow of God, then decided to watch all the creatures of the land partake in the goodness which God and himself had worked so meticulously on. He looked at Adam and Eve, suddenly he noticed something; they had no nipples! Apparently, when God had taken the rib from Adam, he had taken away his nipples as to keep him from feeling god-like and maintain order on Earth.
Gog thought it was just not right so he took the liberty of painting the nipples on Adam and Eve. Now they were filled with free will and started to get naughty ideas. Angered by Gog's destructive (but well-intended) initiative, God gave Adam, Eve, and Gog the boot along with some guy named Satan who apparently sold Adam and Eve some rotten apples.
Gog stood in a netherworld between Heaven and Earth, a mere sub-god now. Adam and Eve lost that immortality and gained free will. Gog decided to mold their free will and he asked them to procreate, and procreate plenty! Humankind was born and expanded far beyond the Garden of Eden, where Adam and Eve were no longer allowed to enter. A few weeks later, the garden was repossessed and made into a prehistoric parking lot as God forgot to renew the lease.
Gog's plan was not clear at this point but he was putting his last bit of power to use while he still good. Gog blessed the offspring of Adam and Eve and their offspring, and their offspring, so on, so forth. After generations of Adam and Eve's descendants had past, eventually one person asked "what are these round things on my chest, Mr. Gog?" Gog then looked at him with a confused expression on his face. At last he said "Nipples... Yes, NIPPLES!" The word echoed through the hills and valleys and so it was. The nipple was born.